a certain point in your life where you fail to get upset over not getting it exactly right. satisfied with forward progress. 

Woke up really late today and found that all useful stores in Rome (with the exception of the kebab joint across the way) are closed by 1 pm on Sundays.

Shopped in a less glamorous fashion district where we found a lot of things made in china lol. The exercise of self restraint!

Walking to the student center all by mahself tomorrow. I relish the challenge. Must allow for extra time.

I should probably get on my computer before this iPhone gives me carpal tunnel syndrome. But the convenience of typing in bed is not to be sneezed at!

Anyhow, a few things:

- Happiness is a conscious choice. It’s obviously affected to some extent by external factors- but it’s mostly your attitude and your mindset. The car goes where the eye goes.

- I think there’s a difference between friendliness and wanting people to like you. Friendliness is a path, a doorway to a potential relationship. You won’t like everyone, and not everyone will like you. There are 6 billion people in the world though, so you shouldn’t sweat it.

- Learn to accept compliments. Take pride in what you do. You are good enough. Something I’ve learned is that no matter how much the external world validates me, I never feel good enough. It’s something that I struggle with, and I’m still trying to find the answer.

- Don’t get too caught up in trying to inhale a European smorgasbord. Explore a few places deeply. Learn a few things well. Make a few true friends.

- Weed

- I wish I could capture the essence of this weekend, but I’ll just paint you a few pictures:

The kindness of strangers. A man with a shaven head in a neat navy blue fleece jacket, who picked his words
carefully. The tone of the clear, precise English that graces one’s second language. He was not incongruous with the china patterns and the rough hewn tables of the bed and breakfast that he ran. He was kind and went out of his way to be thoughtful. A woman named
after the French queen who was guillotined, who drew us signs to hold up by the side of the road where we attempted and failed at hitchhiking. I’m telling this thing all out of order. But a strong and friendly dog named Nila, and a white scruffy one that bounded up to her with more joy and freedom than I saw from any animal in the city, to lick her face, who led us to the ruins of a castle, centuries later still standing. And a little hamlet of a town beloved, that belonged in a snow globe.

And stroking a horse before the setting sun, her big chestnut head turning to look at me. No fear, no anger for that is mostly borne out of fear. It’s why I love horses. They’re not the biggest or the fastest, but they seem to know exactly who they are and they Never Back Down.

And being above the clouds and the fit trees that looked liked hair on an arm. Being alone and eating chocolates on a mountain. Being surrounded by beauty and having time to appreciate it.

Convinced that the world can be divided up into two kinds of people: those engaged in self-cultivation, and those who lie stagnant. And this is the one thing I really want to master.

Studying in Rome, first day of my Renaissance art class, learning about all the great architects who built the skeletons of modern Roman civilization, who also happened to be painters, singers, sculptors, and wondering if such men will ever come again.

What if machinery, instead of adding to human potential, diminishes it with distraction. E.g. How much could I accomplish, what skills could I gain, what could I bring to the world if I reinvested the hours spent on
Facebook, in tumblr, on sitcom
Re-runs.

I wonder if our society has gotten lazy, if the dearth of innovation has become the rule, and not the exception. If the Steve Jobs of the wold are merely men who are exceptional at applying themselves.

The only thing scarier than wasted potential is….?

Is there anything wrong with not going all the way in regards to maximizing your potential?

Food for thought.

What in god’s name is wrong with me?

Asked in hopes of a potential answer.

Nothing too much I suppose. I’m seeing the world, and falling in love with it.

I’m making new friends. I’m trying to work on myself as a person. I’m going to law school.

Herp.

Maroon 5 brings back memories of puppy love. Of summer concerts.

The desire to be known. This is, you see, just the tip of the iceberg. This reserved exterior, these awkward manners. This is just the surface and there’s so much more underneath that I wish for you to know.

The later it gets, the more improbable it is that I shall wake up for class on the morrow.

No, I can’t believe that it’s over now. It’s just a feeling, just a feeling that I have.

Theory:

That your first experience with love leaves an indelible impression on you. And that once you’ve had this first experience, you will forever hesitate to love so unabashedly, so unguardedly. And that in every experience thereafter, you seek to recapture the essence of that first experience, of giving, of loving, without reservation.

I write so much twaddle.

But indulge me for a moment.

Everyone has insecurities, weaknesses.

I think sometimes we are afraid to be. Layer upon layer of satire. There is always going to be someone sitting in the shadows to mock us, if only in our own minds. We’re afraid to be needy, to be desperate, to be out of place. So we acquire this gloss, this polish that prevents us from doing things out of the ordinary, prevents us from venturing into the realm of the extraordinary. 

But its wearisome after awhile, to keep feeding the animal. 

Somehow, music, more than anything evokes a place. Its some combination of an alien language, and a common one- of foreign tongues and familiar tones. 

Because you want the world on a silver platter?

I love that I don’t know things here. I’ve come to the conclusion that travel is probably the best remedy for darkness, depression, disillusionment. It’s hard to be adrift when your senses are bombarded with new food, your mind engaged with a new language, a new people, a new culture.

Maybe your demons follow you everywhere, but I think living in a new place gives you the chance to evaluate yourself- what you know, who you are, against a different backdrop. And you may find that the reds and yellows are more vibrant, the greens and blues more muted. The stock of who you are and what you value may be different.

I’m supposed to think of what I want out of this trip. I want to build relationships, to gain more confidence and independence. I want to see the big things, and the little things too.

Paris and Greece. A week in each. But I also want to see Italy- Milan, carnivale in Venice, Tuscany, Pisa, Rome! It sounds like a smorgasbord of Europe. And the thing is, I think, is just to start planning and go go go.

Also: I’m in love with caffe o’rologio and it’s caffe, crostini, and panini.